pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
