Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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