You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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