So drunk its hurt
Me too!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
