just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I had your ass I would rule the world
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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