Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
