In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize