i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
