I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
