May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
