I'm passing your future prison.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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