how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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