I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We talked him into tasing himself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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