this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
