Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
