he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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