worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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