If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize