Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just had sex bonerless
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
