took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
