I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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