Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize