just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
