plz talk dirty to me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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