If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
