Your tits are I can't wait for
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
