i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
