My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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