Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
