Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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