just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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