We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
