If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize