never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize