well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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