felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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