There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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