Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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