i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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