I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize