but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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