Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize