He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
