Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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