You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
