So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love accidental penises.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize