dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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