About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
