I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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