What a fucking waste of an outfit
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
