Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
