I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
