You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
