I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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