Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
