hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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