he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
