What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
