he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
