haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
