Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
