Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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