she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I want her autograph on my taint
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
