So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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