I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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