I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize