Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
