"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
