Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
