dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
